I am not quite sure whether I should wait for you any longer..
Each time you prolonged things, my wound is getting bigger
and I end up deeply in hurt
Please..
Don’t wait for the right moment to walk off..
Ceased the time and make it happen.
Or,
You will lost someone that really love you forever.
nieya
It seems that I am lying to myself about not missing Babah…
It has been almost 6 years we lived without his presence.
I do miss his words of wisdom, his role as a tutor, his express amusement and his character as a whole.
I still remember when he is on his deathbed. At the time Izro’il, the Angel of Death procure his soul thread, not a single sound, word or signal that was given to Ibu that he is leaving her and all of us. He was on his wheelchair near the door, closing his eyes while listening to the Azan and one by one his sparkling tears running to his cheeks. He then was in a deep sleep, the sleep which will never bestow him to spend his time with his children and beloved wife in the next day, next week or even next year.
The 3 months duration of his life before his flights to heaven, had gave us the most valuable and yet will be the most painful memory for all of us. In that 3 months period, never in my life I wanted to hear his voice badly..
The illness that he suffered had taken all his words as in return he would be able to see and hear but he can never speak. Although his desires to tell his wife how much he loves her, to congratulate her daughter on her PMR results and how proud he is for her, to tell his children that everything will be alright and to thank his loved ones for taking care of him. But those words will remain stillness. He can’t barely walk and eat on his own, and sometimes he felt that he should give up. No matter how many times he pull out the tube from his nose, his wife will be patiently called the nurse to put it back to where it was suppose to be.
The toughest day he will have to go through is during Raya. At the time where every man, father and son would go to the mosque to pray, he is stuck in the hospital bed, not able to do anything. His tears burst out when he sees his wife and children was beside him wearing last year’s baju raya. He hate for being futile, not able to do anything.
One by one, his children hug him, kiss him and ask him for forgiveness in the hospital. Relatives and friends come and go, wishing him to get well soon. As soon as the first day of raya passed, he make a promise to himself that he will try to walk and speak again.
Days passes, and he make quite a recuperation. He is able to move his mother toe and “baju” is his first words that he had spoken to his family. At that moment we could see the light of hope in the tunnel.
This gave us the spirit not to give up on him and continuously tell him
“You can do it. You can do it.”
Nevertheless, although every day the light of hope seems to be brighter and beamer in his family’s eyes. But to him, that light seems to be murky, gloomy and getting dimmed day by day. He knows that eventhough he is making a progress and tries to deny it but somehow he knew that particular day is about to come. How he wish he could tell his family about it. He wanted to tell them that everything is going to be ok, tell them to be strong and continue living life to the fullest without his presence, to convince his wife that she would be ok, to advice his children to focus on their studies, to inform them that he will always be watching us and to acknowledge them how much he loves them.
But those words remains as words as he’s not able to draft a single sentence and not even a correct words. He was in tears when thinking that during those 3 months and until his death he would not be able to say a word to his family, nothing. He tells God that he would have given my whole life if God gave me only 1 hour or even 5 minutes to be able to speak again and he will use that precious time to tell his family how much he loves them.
Silence still surrounds him even at the time Izro’il, the Angel of Death had pulled the last thread of his soul…
Al Fathihah.
In the Memory of Mohd Azmi B Abdullah
A Loving Husband and A Wonderful Father.
25th June 1945 – 16th January 2004
Will be missing you..
Your Daughter,
Nieya
Readers,
As you could see I would like to acknowledge you about a recent disease which has been discovered by numbers of people called Dystonia, an ignoble & malicious disease. Apparently, I am not aware of Dystonia until i watched the video from You-tube about a cheerleader who suffered Dystonia. There are arguments saying that the reason of her disease is because of the swine flu jab however needless for me to say this disease is a rare case and 1 out of 1 million people may lived with this disease.
A friend of mine who is suffering a form of cervical dystonia had acknowledge me about this disease. I have run my fingers through her blog and being at her state of affair, she has described each of the inch about this disease and things she has gone through.
&
It only takes less than a click to go to this blog and less than an hour to read it. So please, click it and do your part if you love your body.
I have done my part, how about you ??
hugs and kisses
Nieya
Girls,
After i update my blog, my fingers are running wild on the keyboard and since i cant really handcuff my fingers to shut its movement, i figure out perhaps i could rest my fingers by you-tube-ing.
I found a really interesting video about a cheerleader who had this weird disease after she got a flu shot. Check this out !
i find it hard to believe about the existence of this disease. i was laughing my heart out when i first saw how she walked because i really thought this might be a prank or something, and i eagerly waited until the video ends which turn out to be 100% true..
*Geezz* never thought that unfortunate fate falls for her.. there are arguments from the you-tube user saying that it is not because of the flu shot but seems that she has been poisoned. The poison will slower you brain and nerve system to communicate and interpreted with each other…
i pray that she will be back in her feet and live a normal life. Amin !
hugs and kisses
nieya
Readers,
Mood : Going Crazy
Currently Listening to : F*ck You by Lily Allen
This is how i feel and look like ryte now..
nieya : B, i dare you to climb that tree at midnight today
B : which one ?
nieya : that banana tree..
B : are you trying to kill me ??
nieya : nope, i just wanted to know whether that *hamba Allah S.W.T* really exist in the tree which had been planted in middle of the city ??
B : Get in the car now, im gonna drive you home straight !!
nieya : mumbling*scaredy cat!*
i now, its crraaazzzyyyy~
*laughing out loud*
hugs & kisses
Nieya
Baby,
I am sorry for not being able to be a good girlfriend to you..
i have so many things in my mind now
&
i do hope that you understand
sometimes i feel that you deserve someone who is way better than me
as i know we are totally the opposite
after all we have been through,
deep inside my heart
i really love you
please, just give some some space and time
so that i could get back into my feet
and become us again.
hugs & kisses
nieya
Sometimes i feel like my life had been secluded with too much drama. I feel disgusted and full of hatred each time when i glanced back into things that i have been through lately. But who am i to blame ??
GOD ??
He who continuously give me difficulties, hardships and adversity each time i wanted to start a new chapter in my life. Perhaps, this unfortunate fate has been written in my book of fate ever since i was born. People say that life is like a wheel. A minute you are on the top of the world where you can taste the sweetness of heaven but in another minute you will be on the ground again, smelling the rusty dirt of the earth. Should i say that in my life, i am always on the ground most of the time? 
Would it rather be unfair for me, compared to other people, if god just give me a chance to be on the top maybe for once? Neaaahh I don’t think so !
Despite all the mumbles and complains i am making to GOD, which make me think that GOD must have plan something BIG for me and maybe this is just not the right time to open up that path for me to explore, yet!
Well, its almost my 4th paragraph now and you must be wondering what the hell i am complaining about, ryte ? well, like i said i love being a drama queen and if possible i would interprete everything in a dramatical way along with the effect too 
The story begins :-
2 years ago, i enrolled into LLB ( Law Degree ) in Brickfields Asia College after completed my A-Levels. Well during my A-Levels due to my deprivation of inconsistency financial stability i was forced to work and study at the same time. But thanks to my level of intelligence-y ( durhh it is only A-Level, who needs an IQ of 500 ?? ) :p I managed to do well and proceed to the next step, owh yes its LLB.
Rather than doing 3 years external programme which is UOL ( University of London ), i was given another option to do a twinning program which is 2 years in Malaysia and 1 year in UK. Ibu advised to me to take the twinning program and yadaa yadaa yadaa, after 2 years of LLB, yes this year is the year where i was supposed to complete my final year in University of Wales, Abersytwyth ( wallaaaaa )
I was given 3 months to prepare everything ( thank god, i don’t have to re-sit for my exams which gives me plenty of time to prepare compared to those who re-sits ) everything from maintenance fees, tuition fees, accommodation fees and VISA requirement. Well to think about it 3 months is quite a period of time however unfortunately Ibu did not use this given time wisely as she keep dragging and postponing all the arrangement. Each time, i mention about the arrangement she will start moulding her disgruntled face of expression and ask me to stop pressuring her, as a matter in fact she even stressed out that she knows what she’s doing.
Because of her, most of my preparation time had become emaciated.
She starts to be more alert when all my friends had already in UK. However i have stopped relying on her when i realised that i have insufficient time frame to get everything done. No matter how hard i work and pray, i guess that GOD is still not at my side and this time eventhough everything is ready i would not be able to reach Wales in time. Unfortunately the Uni does not accept any late entry students. The Home Office has been stressed out that the dateline for the students to arrive is not later than the 13th October 2009.
Then i realised that perhaps this is not my year, and i have plan to postponed my third year till September next year. Lesson to be learned, never ever make a last minute preparation and relied 100% on someone eventhough they are your family member. Start working and solved all your problems independently.
Ibu kept blaming herself since then. I don’t blame her, things just happen and we won’t be able to undo it no matter how much effort that we used to rewind the clock.
So here i am, blogging about my dissatisfaction and things which has been happen to me lately. Since the 13th October, i have been in a hiatus mode in WordPress,Facebook, Friendster, MSN, YM and even Twiter.
Although i am not ready to share this to everyone but at least now i am 50% ready and even starts to blog about it. That is quite a drastic improvement. ( a round of applause to nieya )
“Life is unfair sometimes but we just have to deal with it because it will definitely make us a better person.“
Hugs & Kisses
nieya
I am still STUCKED in Malaysia due to some unsettle documentation and VISA approval
& now Im on HIATUS ….
Until the next post
nieya
.jpg "Taylor and Kanye")
Readers
I’ve been counting days lately..Seems that time flies very fast indeed without hesitation to wait for a slowpoke like me. A week and 4 days left till my farewell to Malaysia. I will definitely gonna miss my family terribly especially ibu..
i do wish that ibu would be okay and will be able to get used to not having me around in the hse, sometimes i wish that i can teleport whenever i want to..therefore it would be easier for me to see ibu and taste her cooking whenever i want to.. Furthermore, she will not be lonely as she will have to layan my attitude, gettin into arguments with me, girl talk until 3 am with her beloved-rascal daughter.
Talking about farewell, it seems that a week and half its not enough for me to prepare everythin.
percentage of preparation ?? –> 1%
well i am trying to scrounged my schedule for shopping this week since ibu just gave me a green light to dig my accounts and spend like there’s no tomorrow..*sigh* how i wish.. just joking anyway..
well although she did give me a green light to spend but yet, there is one problem.. she will be setting my expenditure shopping limits + will be accompany me for my shoppin spree..
(scream.. its a disaster !! :0 )
don’t get me wrong.. Ibu is the best company when it comes to shopping but ..
let me evaluate what is actually on my mind when i make this statement by elaborate this by showing a conversation between Ibu and me below ::
Nia : Ibu, this jacket looks nice on me, OMG its only RM XXX.xxx
Ibu : I don’t think so you need those, besides i have several winter coats that i bought in Amsterdam years ago ( years ago : before she was married to Babah )
Nia : Ibu, i know, i have seen your winter coats and they are beautiful which really suits me but can i get this one for me.. at least i have something that i wear which belongs to me..
Ibu : sure, u can buy those, but you have to let go of the knitted purple sweater you have been eyeing last week ..
Nia : ( put the jacket back at the clothes rack ) Ermm, owhkay i guess i have to passed !
you know what i mean ??
Mothers !!! *sigh*
I am soo gonna missed you terribly ibu… *wink*
well, i do hope that everything that i scheduled will go well this week..As you can see, i am quite fragile especially in fumbling things and follow d schedule.. however,i just hope for the best..
until the next post..
Peaceonelurve
nieya
